i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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