Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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