my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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