I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
