So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
