So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the day after is always just damage control
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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