I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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