i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
