Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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