Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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