apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
