Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
