2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
