I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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