i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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