Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
