So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
