I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
