8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize