I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
