i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
