Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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