you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
