Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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