Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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