You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Come share oat with me in your robe
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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