Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
