scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
