You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize