i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
