Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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