sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Vodka?
Forever.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
