I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
