SEEEEXXX PLEASE
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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