I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
