yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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