hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
