It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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