I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
this will be a night to untag.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
