i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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