Define "chronic" masturbator.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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