She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
