I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
