this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He uses pillows to masturbate.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
