Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
