it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The struggles of a small town man whore
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
