I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
im six kinds of drunk right now
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
