Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
