I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
