Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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