I murdered the dance floor call the cops
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
