Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
