I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
