Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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