Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
