Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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