I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
