the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I forget how to act sober
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
