make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
