Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize