DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
