Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
