Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
