so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize