I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize