I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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