The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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