I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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