i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
BRING THE BAGELS
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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