Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize