She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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