I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
