i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
