the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
