I wannas sexs uuuuu
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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