Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
