you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
