yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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