I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Did you just see the Batmobile???
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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