I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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