why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
