This dress was meant to end up on your floor
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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