My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
