he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
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