I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
