I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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