so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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