There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
