The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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