Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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