How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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