I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
