Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
