Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
