Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
