and i looked up. we had an audience...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize