no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
